A few years back, well maybe more than just a few years back, my dad was still alive. I was greeted at the lunch meat counter at my local Ewing Shop Rite by an old acquaintance. Will call him “Joe.” He was a former acquaintance from a former lifetime.
But in order for you to understand the whole picture of my story, I need to explain a few things. The time period this “meeting” occurred in was a few years after a sexual assault I reported to my local prosecutor’s office. I was sexually assaulted by a person I was familiar with and with whom I trusted. Following the tragic and sudden death of a close relative, I relapsed into drug use again after 5 years of sobriety. After this sudden death, I had begun to work out a lot to ward off the anxiety I felt about not being accepted by my family. As a result, I lost a lot of weight. One night, while out with one of my “friends,” my “friend” kept encouraging me to use again. I resisted attempts several times and, then, at the last moment, before leaving the bar, I gave in. This was the point of a trajectory.
When women are sexually assaulted while actively using drugs or alcohol as part of their lifestyle choice, they are usually recommended to a rehabilitation center. A few years after my sexual assault, I was forced into treatment. I then made a conscious decision to never use street drugs again and to distance myself as far as I could from the people I had previous associations with. That was in 2006. Although I would still imbibe alcohol a few times a week, I had come to a point in which I could actively imagine a better lifestyle for myself, free from my former associations.
Then, one day at the lunch meat counter, “Joe” tried to strike up a conversation with me. He asked me about a former boyfriend I had dated while I was between the ages of 19 and 20 years old. Let’s call him “Dean.” I was very cold and stand-offish to “Joe” because he had instructed “Dean” to push my head into a couch chair and hold it there one day while “Dean” and I were in the middle of an argument. Because of Joe’s guidance, Dean physically assaulted me. Because of this I always viewed “Joe” as a predator and most likely a psychopath. Who encourages a guy to physically assault a woman? Aren’t men supposed to respect a lady? I don’t believe anything that comes out of this man’s mouth. Joe was also with a woman at the lunch meat counter who had light reddish-blonde hair, and I believe light-colored eyes although my memory is a little faulty. Joe kept referencing this woman with glances for guidance from here. Joe apologized to me and said he truly didn’t have any memory of those specific events. He said he was “sorry” and asked if “I would forgive him?” I looked at him like he was a plague of locus come to destroy my crops. I said, “No.” I couldn’t care less if he could not remember those events from that day or not, and I told him in no uncertain terms, to basically, “FUCK OFF!” I told him I had been so far removed from my former lifestyle I used to entertain in my early adulthood that I didn’t want to know any of those people anymore. Recovery is about avoiding people, places, and things and also because I believed that probably half of my former associations were either psychopaths or sociopaths. People who had been ill-informed about the purpose of life, just like myself. The lifestyle I had led, active in the drug culture and bar scene, no longer plagued me simply because I actively chose recovery and now preferred a healthy lifestyle. I told him I was healthy and a practicing vegan and exercising daily. He then told me that he had “cancer” and was “dying” and “would I please forgive him.” This is the classic ploy of psychopath/sociopath. A “feel sorry for me” game card pulled from the trickster’s bag of tricks. They feign some type of “struggle” and try to win you to their side through sympathy. I’ve seen it a million times.
I believe Joe’s occupation is as a day contractor, although I’m not certain of this. But, in any event, why would I grant a liar forgiveness? I could feel the aversion toward Joe and Dean reverberate in every part of my body. I had allowed myself to be manipulated by men who were rotten and no good for me. Joe had asked if “I wanted to see Dean again.” I thought to myself, “What the fuck do you think?” I replied, “No.”
Honestly, I might have never come to this point in my recovery unless I had been raped which ended the trajectory events, a trajectory that started with my relapse in 2003. A distasteful and bitter pill to swallow; it truly was a revelation that unveiled itself before my eyes. It had somehow pulled all those dark puzzle pieces together to show me that what I had been doing was seriously wrong, even though I secretly knew this deep down inside of me. Such are the lies we tell ourselves. I believed that “my drug use was okay” because “everybody I knew was doing it.” I had even heard of some professional doctors who did it. And besides, these people were my “friends.” Certainly, a friend wouldn’t victimize me. Would they?
Of all the Creepypasta, this story could make one of the best urban legends although it is far from being a myth. The story where the girl who believes it’s okay to get drunk or use street drugs because everyone, she is with, is also doing it. And so, she must somehow be “safe” is far more common than you think. The myth that “surely these people would “respect” me because we commonly identify with one other” is never a certainty. In fact, when considering the nature of man, it is mostly not true. How could a bunch of people that don’t know how to respect themselves be informed about how to respect others? So, my cold and stand-offish stance towards Joe was a psychic defense elicited by a predator who had presented himself to me. I was trying to stay safe.
Shortly after this, my electronic and psychotronic targeting and torture began. I became known as a Targeted Individual. How does this play into the possible reasons for my targeting? Honestly, I don’t know, simply because there are so many other events to consider in my timeline as well.
The most important point I want to make regarding my electronic targeting, psychotronic torture, and group (gang) stalking is this. Over the platform Quora.com, when I discussed my experiences as a Targeted Individual. I was greeted with a response from a man, presumably white, who informed me “it’s because you can’t imagine something better for yourself.” What the fuck? Really? That’s the reason!? The reason I deserve to be tortured and punished!? This means the reason for my targeting is rooted in difference. It is rooted in the difference of identity. It is rooted in the things that divide us and not join us together. The targeting implies that I am not favored because I don’t belong to the right “social grouping.” This is an age-old phenomenon that has gone by many names throughout human history. Most noted for these horrors, based in difference of identity, were the Jewish and Christian holy wars from the Bible (Pagels, 1995), witch trials (Hill, 2002) and other religious inquisitions as well as the many genocides that have taken place over the ages (Santner, 1990). We could look to more modern events like what happened in Charlottesville Virginia. Where on August 11–12, 2017 a Unite the Right Rally took place. Many far-right supporters of white supremacy actively protested including the groups alt-right, neo-Confederates, neo-fascists, white nationalists, neo-Nazis, Klansmen, and various right-wing militias. As a result, conflict, and fights broke out when counter-protestors supporting the proposed removal of the statue of General Robert E. Lee from Charlottesville’s former Lee Park. Later a counter-protestor was killed by rally participants who purposefully and willfully drove his car into the crowd (Berreby, 2018, pp.48–49). It is far more than a science of race. It is a science of psychoanalysis, object relations, and identity. The “feverish pitch” that ensues after the realization of a collective narcissistic wound suffered, has marked historical events like the end of World War I and the events that spoked the Charlottesville race riots. Facts tying events of white supremacy and a crisis of white masculinity, to a prior time in American presidential history, when a black Senator from Illinois took the oval office which was immediately followed by a fascist leader.
“In a review of Cullen Murphy’s book, Edward Peters writes, “Murphy ponders ‘what . . . any inquisition really is: a set of disciplinary practices targeting specific groups, codified in law, organized systematically, enforced by surveillance, exemplified by severity, sustained over time, backed by institutional power, and justified by a vision of the one true path. Considered that way, the Inquisition is more accurately viewed not as a relic, but as a harbinger.’ In this sense then, Jane Mayer, author of “Dark Money” writes, ‘Cullen Murphy finds the ‘inquisitorial impulse’ alive, and only too well, in our [modern] world.’”
Subnote: My original studies began with an investigation into religious philosophy as I was educated in a Roman Catholic school system for 13 years. Later I would take up Bible study in my young adult life, between the ages of 23–25. As a result of my early education, I was influenced to pursue readings in religious philosophy as conflict is often rooted in differences of religious identity (Capp, 2009).
Berreby, David. “The Things That Divide Us”. National Geographic Magazine. April 2018. Vol. 233, №4. pp.46–67. “We are wired at birth to tell Us from Them and to favor our own group.” The focus of this special issue is on race, Black and White, and group identity.
Capps, D. “God Diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.” Pastoral Psychol 58, 193–206 (April 2009). https://doi.org/10.1007/s11089-008-0139-9
Hill, Frances. (2002). A Delusion of Satan: The full story of the Salem witch trials. Cambridge, Mass. Da Capo Press. Original copyright 1995.
Mayer, Jane. (2016). Dark money: the hidden history of the billionaires behind the rise of the radical right. New York. Doubleday.
Murphy, Cullen. (2012). God’s Jury: The Inquisition and the making of the modern world. Boston, Mass. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.
Pagels, Elaine. (1995). The Origins of Satan. New York. Random House. The focus of this book is on the New Testament gospels following the fall of Christ and how the character “Satan” develops during this historic and influential time period.
Peters, Edward. “God’s Jury: The Inquisition and the Making of the Modern World, by Cullen Murphy.” The Washington Post. Book Review. Published on January 13, 2012. Retrieved online September 28, 2021. https://www.washingtonpost.com/entertainment/books/gods-jury-the-inquisition-and-the-making-of-the-modern-world-by-cullen-murphy/2012/01/02/gIQAT1iywP_story.html
Santner, Eric L. (1990). Stranded Objects: Mourning, Memory, and Film in Postwar Germany. Ithaca, New York. Cornell University Press.