By Karen Barna
It may seem like I have issues with gender identity, specifically non-conforming gender identities or gay and lesbian individuals. But I don’t. I’m studying abnormal psychic structures which happen to involve the study of personal identity including gender identity. Why? Because someone started screwing around with my life and caused me a great deal of pain and suffering. I started studying because of crime. Because there are some individuals with deeply ingrained hatred, contemptuous hatred of ’other.’ These people will sometimes victimize innocent, passive, caring, and upstanding people; good people. So in order to uncover the roots of these abnormal structures in modern day culture, scientists look to our past. Preliterate tribes and anthropological evidence which help us to uncover the roots of many psychological disorders. If you’d like to begin a journey into the study of the human mind the first book I recommend you start reading is “Symbolic Wounds” by Bruno Bettelhiem. The study of ritualistic symbolic acts that are used as guides in analysis, guides that act like pointers or lodstones used in navigation which help direct the person to the proper path. The path which tells him in what places to look. Some of these roots are found in the highly libidinal forces of our early sexual development. That is, in Freud’s postulates and research. His contributions were so very critical despite the fact many modern day psychologists don’t like Freud. For one reason, he intimidated some of his patients into admitting to sexual incest by the opposite parent or both parents which, it was uncovered, were unfounded and forced confessions. He self-biased his work. Okay, so he had his flaws. Nevertheless, the castration complex or castration anxiety greatly helped to answer why so many white men seem so nervous all the time. Serial killers are, after all, mostly all white men.
Researching how man has always found creative ways to manipulate his body with procedures like, circumcision, castration, female genital mutilation, tattooing, piercing, gauging, ritualistic hairstyles, and bodily decorations such as body paints. For example, why some men willingly acknowledge and display a hatred for their genitalia. They undergo castration or surgery as a way of rejecting their natural given identity or their natural given proclivity for sexual desire. To some women and men it may seem shocking that men would go to such lengths to mutilate their bodies, but it should be no more shocking than a woman having her breast augmented because she thinks they’re too small or too large. The question that needs to me answered is “Does this individual have withdrawn libido?”And, “Is the withdrawn libido because they perceive their organ as a threat or hindrance to a successful outcome?”
As parents and as people we want to make every possible attempt to insure the gratification and self-approval one feels toward the ‘self’ so as to make the largest investment in the individual’s triumphant attainment of freed libido for investment in object relations. In short, their fertility in sexual relationships even if the pairing is biologically sterile. Why? Because it means their future happiness.
This morning in my WordPress Reader I came across a suggesting from Kristine Stevens over Discover. She recommended following Raising My Rainbow. The post she suggested was entitled “My Gender Creative Son’s First Pride” (below is a link to the post). It detailed a couples gender nonconforming son’s first LGBT Pride parade. I was so moved by the post because of the level of empowerment it provided this young transgender boy. Helping to free a child’s libido which ultimately aids in his or her feeling free to express him or herself operates on a level that will ultimately promote his social success. It is so very crucial at a young child’s stage of social development. For it is through the use of cruel and unusual forms of punitive punishments and stringent social requirements that the libido becomes “harnessed” against its will and affixed to modes of conforming that cam create phobic elaborations, delusions, and fantasies in the psychic environment through the formation of substructures and superstructures. The superstructures I am speaking of usually appear in the formation of social groups like the Aryan Brotherhood and the Klu Klux Klan. It is the abusive effects of lordship and bondage in wielding power over another.
As a species in general, and as global community, so often we sacrifice our children for unnecessary reasons that seem so petty, small, and insignificant. Apprehensions like “What will my neighbors think?” Or perhaps disappointments in feeling “Where is my son? I didn’t have a daughter.” When we learn to accept outcomes and are willing to work through the unexpected allows for the transmission of, not only individual success, but familial success. When we start thinking “What will my children think?” and declare, “Who cares what anybody else thinks?” When we start to make sure that our children are happy and emotionally well feed instead of trying to please people who aren’t even benefactors in our lives, we make progress towards a humanity that will really provide for our children’s full rights.
Instead we try to please others as a way of conforming to social standards and norms out of a primal fear of rejection; out of being viewed as unwanted or trash. It is this cycle of conforming to unwanted social standards, standards that don’t really belong to us, because we want to “get along” with others. When all people step away from this mode of thinking we will begin to turn over a page in human history and make a move towards a better form of community.
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” ~Lao Tzu
It takes a tremendous amount of courage to feel free to express yourself. And these parents are totally awesome for supporting their son’s gender position. The rest of us should be as lucky.