Why Love Hurts

Why Love Hurts.jpg

Are you pondering, “What does it truly mean to be human?” while you work on trying to perfect AI (artificial intelligence) or as you casually explore your iPhone’s messages, you may want to consider a quote from Eva Illouz’s book on “Why Love Hurts”:

“When relationships do get formed, agonies do not fade away, as one may feel bored, anxious, or angry in them; have painful arguments and conflicts; or, finally, go through the confusion, self-doubts, and depression of break-ups or divorces…..Despite the widespread and almost collective character of these experiences, our culture insists they are the result of faulty or insufficiently mature psyches.”

This is because the adult human ego possess three states which it vacillates through out the day; (1) an adult ego state; (2) a parent ego state; and (3) a child ego state. We will inevitably and frequently fall into a faulty immature psyche at various times throughout our lives. This faulty insufficiently mature psyche is call our child ego state. Sales pitches designed to evoke this child like state to win a sale have been part of our social sport for years.

Maria Popova on her website writes, “The rise of clinical psychology in the twentieth century only solidified and granted scientific legitimacy to this notion that our romantic misery is a function of our psychological failings – an idea that caught on in large part because implicit to it was the promise that those failings can be conditioned.”

Illouz claims that our human misery isn’t due to faulty childhoods but are due rather to our institutionalized arrangements. She writes, “Love contains, mirrors, and amplifies the “entrapment” of the self in the institutions of modernity, institutions, to be sure, shaped by economic and gender relations.” Of course these modern institutions are shaped by the culture in which we live and what that social culture’s incubator  deems fit for consumption. Illouz further writes, “[Love] is shaped and produced by concrete social relations [and] circulates in a marketplace of unequal competing actors….Some people command greater capacity to define the terms in which they are loved than others.”

Part of the human experience is a belief in what psychologists and psychiatrist call a “delusion”, which is nothing more than a belief in a supernatural god or some other fantasy not founded in reality. Will the creators of artificial intelligent units place an algorithm in their neural networks for delusional fantasy? Because delusional fantasies are a part of the human experience. Eva Illouz writes;

“Modernity sobered people up from the powerful but sweet delusions and illusions that had made this misery of their lives bearable. Devoid of these fantasies, we would lead our lives without commitment to higher principles and values, without the fervor and ecstasy of the sacred, without the heroism of saints, without the certainty and orderliness of divine commandments, but most of all without those fictions that console and beautify.”

These delusions of fantasy that help instill a conscious state of awareness can also instill a profound state of paranoia. What will happen in the year million, if it can suddenly, and without warning go terribly wrong? Love is part of the human condition and the human experience. The scourging of passion’s flames by bitter wrong doing is also a part of the human condition. The narcissistic wound that results from such wrong doing can evoke a child ego state, and can certainly evoke passion’s hatred and malevolent crime. How will AI handle it? Will we be ready for the consequences?

If you are interested in further readings please click Why Love Hurts: The Sociology of How Our Institutions Rather Than Our Personal Psychological Failings Shape the Romantic Agony of Modern Life



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