“You couldn’t relive your life, skipping the awful parts, without losing what made it worthwhile. You had to accept it as a whole — like the world.” ~Steward O’Nan, The Odds: A Love Story
Often times we get discouraged when our lives seem void of successes due to difficult problems or perhaps we have become still, dull, and bored. Stuck in a rut we can‘t seem to escape. We may start to view other people’s life based on appearances which make them seem more appealing. Perhaps their life is filled with action, adventures, and filled with highlighted moments that outshine our own. We may begin the process of comparing ourselves and our life to others. We start to feel unhappy because we feel that we are lacking something. Making comparisons to others that fill your heart with sadness is an absurdity. It is as absurd as a turtle comparing its life to a dolphin’s and then wondering why his life is different. Everyone’s life journey is different. Every one person unique. A turtle’s journey from birth to grave tells a uniquely different story than that of dolphin. Why would it be any different for individuals? Everyone’s life, just like a turtle or dolphin, possess the same elements as every other life story; joys, struggles, defeats, rebirths. It may just be that we are at different moments in our own story. Where one may be experience the rebirth of a new beginning, another is experience the withering of an end. All life is the same. All life have similar transitions. At one point or another, all stories tell a drama, a tragedy, a comedy. Even those lives which seem like the smallest in form lacking in magnanimity.
“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” ~Lao Tzu
Allowing the series of natural and spontaneous changes to occur in life can be a painful process. To master these changes we must become comfortable with letting go of our past repetition behaviors. One of the most painful feelings involved in becoming the master of our own fate is a sense of mourning. Giving up old repetitions and patterns from our minds and reality is often experienced as a death or even the murderous betrayal of and early beloved object. Taking charge of our destiny means saying good-bye to those old patterns and way of thinking. Becoming happy with our rebirth means we have successfully overcome the desire to repeat these entrenched old patterns of behavior.
Giving up our repetitions is hard work. Though they cause us pain and control our destinies; they are deeply entrenched, associations with beloved early objects, comfortable and gratifying in a primitively tenacious way. Behavioral therapies and life coaching focus on the cerebral cortex and never have to bother with the more primitive parts of the brain. What psychoanalysis can and does offer is deep character logical change, a literal restructuring of the brain that can give patients the victory when they wrestle with their own destinies. However, the simple act of talking to a friend, a spouse, a minister, or intimate relative on a regular basis can help restructure our way of thinking. It is the reason why talking cures.